Additionally, revealing the things you’ve done without a loved one’s knowledge often results in anguish, not healing. Before adding amends to your list, think about your motives for contacting this person and work with your sponsor to determine next steps. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs.
Likewise, my marriage is a partnership with my husband. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level. When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions. I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ASL – Tradition Eight
The beauty of this process for newcomers and those unsure of where to go next is that their recovery from alcoholism is outlined in twelve in-depth action steps. Many alcoholics are guided through the steps by a sponsor, but some individuals complete the steps on their own. AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal.
It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important. It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had. By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation. At Augustine Recovery, we understand how addiction affects the family unit.
How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?
As each subsequent step builds upon the last, the benefits of participating in the 12 Step program compound. The steps are designed to ultimately provide newly fertile soil where recovery can take root and blossom. Why would there be some names on the list that you should not make amends to? If coming forward to make amends to someone may cause them harm, you should pass. When embarking on Step 8 it helps to begin with a master list, a list of all the people you have identified as having been adversely affected while you were active in your substance use.
- A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
- By proactively correcting previous mistakes, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a relapse.
- Those in the throes of this disorder behave in ways that don’t align with their values, religious beliefs, or moral codes.
- But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward.
- This is a list of all of the people in your life whom you believe you have harmed.
In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever https://ecosoberhouse.com/ obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states.
What is Family Recovery?
Repairing the hurt and mistrust is important to family recovery. This process goes a long way to helping you and your loved ones heal from your addiction. Amends, and the rebuilding of relationships, are a critical part of ongoing recovery and returning to family life. Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, and that’s great! The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you.
- But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose.
- A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention.
- After years of being bossy and overbearing, my basic apologies meant little.
Successfully approaching and accomplishing step nine requires the alcoholic in recovery to be willing to go to any lengths to make amends to those individuals whom they have harmed in the past. Apologizing is difficult for many people, and taking responsibility for your actions can be painful as it may remind you of the harm you have caused. However, this provides you with hope and inspiration to become and remain a better person in all future endeavors.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ASL – Step Three
While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends. But, as difficult as it is, completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future. At the heart of living amends this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. Sponsorship is critical to all of the 12 Steps, but it’s especially helpful at this stage. A sponsor can offer guidance, expert input, and information from their own experience working these steps.